I read in the Mail that the MoD have drawn up plans to defend the Falklands in case the nutter running Argentina has to distract the Argentine people from a) her running of the country and b) just where her money came from. From what we gather the MoD squeezes only momentary fractions of its time into the job we expect them to do, spending most time on sick days, bonus schemes, holiday, research holidays, supplier visit holidays and meetings about meetings (to swap holiday destinations), pausing only to sign off procurement of something they saw in an Eagle comic or a brochure that looked nice/had a free holiday attached.
I can only imagine a plan drawn up by the excessively large number of people not doing very much in Whitehall would go something like this. Firstly it would involve ordering equipment which could then be used to defend the Islands, like aircraft carriers. They may not be ready for 20 years, but considering whether that might be relevant doesn't fall within the parameters of the project plan.
Then order some planes that don't exist, to fly from the carriers that aren't built yet. Ships would be dispatched, but they would be supply ships, which due to the haste necessary to meet an imminent threat, they didn't actually load with anything. Ships with guns and missiles on them being be on a good will visit to Switzerland.
Extra troops would be loaded into aircraft to be flown to the airstrip built on the Falklands for the purpose, but the planes would circle endlessly searching for the runway amongst the Orkney Islands, which the MoD believe is where the Falklands are. Keen to show they are now a thinking part of austerity Britain the MoD would load older ammunition to use that up first; 7.62mm instead of the 5.56mm now used by the standard rifle.
This might suggest that the MoD are gormless and useless, but the reality is somewhat worse.
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