Fracking - New Light On The Debate

A report has concluded that ‘fracking’ or hydraulic fracturing of rocks, to gain access to shale gas deposits, does not cause earthquakes or indeed any sizeable seismic activity. A reporter from Bleeding Obvious News spoke to a group of experts. Nils Forktongue of the Institute for Checking Stuff said that fracking was not just the cause of massive earthquakes like the one that caused a tsunami on Boxing Day a while back, but also would lead to the industrialisation of the British countryside, falling house prices and noise pollution.

When it was pointed out that what he was referring to was Wind Turbines not fracking, Mr. Forktongue enigmatically answered, ‘that is just your truth’.  Because of the desperate need to reduce output of Carbon Dioxide (CO2) or ‘Carbon’ (C) as the experts like to call it, BON asked a different group of experts, who looked very similar to the last lot but with moustaches and glasses, if fracking would not help reduce the UK’s ‘carbon footprint’ as it had in America. The spokesperson, Fork Nilstongue said that shale gas was not actually combustible and people were being sold a lie by the energy industry, by a government that is overwhelmingly supportive of Big Oil and that even the BBC is ridiculously biased in its reporting towards denying Global Warming.

Fork said that if people wanted to learn the truth about fracking, Global Warming and that proven facts are quite often wrong then he had a leaflet available, free of charge by writing to him at the University of Tadcaster, Serious Climate Change Research, c/o WWF, London.

After the formal interview, the BON reporter asked, in a personal capacity, how it was that it had been warmer before, the Roman warm period, Medieval warm period and also extremely cold with mini ice ages, without the effect of Man’s CO2 or Carbon output playing a part? Unfortunately Professor Doctor Sir Fork Nilstongue said he had to rush away, answering his phone that was now on silent, apparently. One thing he was able to clear up though was a common misunderstanding. After proving by shouting it, that Global Warming is caused by Man’s activity he said that one thing he could absolutely assure us of, was that the Sun has absolutely no part whatsoever to play in heating the earth. This he told us, was a lie put about by druids.

*This article has been viewed by Hacked Off in accordance with their self appointed role as guardians of the truth, They asked us to also point out that it is now established fact that people who deny global warming catch painful diseases that kills them.